i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
