i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
