don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
