To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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