He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
