Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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