Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
