I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
