when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
