I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
