Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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