he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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