If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
