i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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