I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Less talking, more tequila
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
