TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
