She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
