sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
