hell yes lets make some ravioli
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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