i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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