he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
