Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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