1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
