I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
