What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
