i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
