she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
