I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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