I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
