If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize