Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
