Where is the hickey?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
