Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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