Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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