I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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