Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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