girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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