but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
