I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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