Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
