Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
