yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
