she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
