apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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