How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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