the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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