Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
