i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
