I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
PANTIES FOUND
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
