Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize