If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
