bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize