I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
