Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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