i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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