I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just cropdusted the office
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
