i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
