just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
