i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
