I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
