I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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